


Teen Woof

by FiccinDylan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, 5x1, But I'm not sorry, Comedy, Crack, Established Relationship, Full Shift Werewolves, Here we go, Malia Doesn't Exist, Marriage, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Post-Canon, References to Bestiality, This Is STUPID, and Scott and Kira are on vacation, except, oh boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 17:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4068586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 5 Times Mason thinks Stiles’ Dog is Amazing and The 1 Time He Discovers Stiles Doesn’t Have a Dog (...But it Does Have a Knot)</p>
<p>aka</p>
<p>I had a dear reader tell me that I was one of the most consistently creative and funny authors she's had the pleasure to read.</p>
<p>I apologize to her most of all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teen Woof

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to dan for the title addendum. Thanks to Jenny for the mole!  
> Enjoy!

*

“ _Good boy! Who’s a good boy?!_

“I can say anything to you as long as I keep scratching right here behind your ear, can’t I? You can’t even move a muscle except to wag your tail, _you’re so happy_!

“I know you’re going to bite me on the ass as soon as I stop scratching you, but I don’t care because it’s so worth it to see you so blissed out and happy.

“I bet I can turn this into an act. I’m going to try to switch hands, let’s see if I’m fast enou- _ouch!_ You _literal_ son of a bit- _ouch, Derek!_ ”

Mason Hewitt watched Stiles Stilinski run away from his giant black dog (with scarily piercing blue eyes) nipping at his heels. The dog jumped up, knocking Stiles to the ground and proceeded to lick his face, causing Stiles to laugh and swat at the dog’s muzzle. Mason elbowed Liam who was texting on his phone.

“Dude,” Mason said, somewhat absentmindedly as he watched Stiles wrap his arms around the dog’s neck and bury his nose in his fur. “Stiles is really into his dog.” Liam looked up briefly and shrugged before going back to his phone. Mason wondered.

**

The next time Mason saw them was at a pack meeting. Mason was still new to the supernatural goings on in Beacon Hills but so far he knew, his best friend, Liam was one of the werewolves. His other best friend, Lydia was a banshee (he’s still trying to figure that one out). His other best friend, Brett was also a werewolf and his newest best friend, Kira was a fox spirit called a gitsune.

“Kitsune, dude. Stiles was a _no_ gitsune and it was bad news so just, you know… be cool.” Liam cautioned before they walked inside. Mason nodded trying to think of some mnemonic device to keep the two apart, “ _I’m gonna gitsune, suckas!”_ , he thought to himself as he found a seat on the couch. It was a work in progress. He looked around the spacious loft.

“Stiles lives here?” Mason asked, taking in his surroundings. There was a bed downstairs and a bookcase brimming with books. A computer desk with the whole setup and a spiral staircase leading upstairs. There was a half brick wall that looked like a creative patch job, but it let you see directly into the kitchen. It was a pretty nice place.

“He lives here with Derek.” Liam answered. Mason nodded thoughtfully.

“With his dog?”

“Umm, well-”

“What’s he do again?” Mason asked, wondering how Stiles could afford to have a dog and a nice loft like this. He knew Stiles decided to go to college online and had gotten some grants so maybe he used some school money to pay for it?

“He’s a cybertechnology consultant for the Sheriff’s department and some other businesses in the area, but dude, Derek-”

“Probably takes care of himself pretty much, huh?" Mason said, noticing a distinct lack of dog toys or even water and food bowls. "He seems really smart, though he’s gotta be a beast to feed.”

“You could say that." Liam huffed. "Have you never really met Derek? Don’t we talk about him all the time?” Liam wracked his brain for a time when Mason and Derek would have been in the same room. “Let’s see, we started with the pack shit at the end of freshman year when I got turned. Then sophomore year he went back to South America with his little sister for a while, and then he came back after Stiles’ graduated. I guess it’s been kind of quiet since then, huh? Anyhow, Derek’s-”

“A really well travelled dog!" Mason exclaimed incredulously. He wondered if dogs had passports and laughed as he imagined Derek carrying a suitcase with tons of stamps around in his mouth. "That’s weird that he just goes so freely, but it looks like he’s happy to be settled with Stiles.” Liam looked at Mason wearily and just agrees.

“Yeah, dude. Real happy.”

***

Mason and Liam are in the preserve where Liam is practicing his shift. He can sometimes do just the face and sometimes just the claws, but the face, eyes and claws at the same time sometimes make him pass out. Mason was on hand with an ice pack and a pillow.

While shifted, Liam honed his senses and started stalking towards the sound of splashing in a nearby lake. As they got closer they saw Stiles and Derek in the lake sloshing the water loudly. The two seemed to be unaware of Mason and Liam’s presence as the man and his dog jumped around excitedly enjoying the crisp, cool water. Stiles stood to walk out of the lake and to Mason’s surprise he was completely naked. Mason’s jaw dropped as Stiles sauntered out of the water and lay on the grass. His jaw snapped shut as Derek first sniffed about Stiles before licking drops of water from his lake cooled body.

Stiles giggled before wrapping his arms around Derek’s neck and pressing kisses to his jaw, allowing Derek to nuzzle into his neck. Mason looked at Liam who was blushing furiously and staring at his shoes.

“Bro! Stiles is _really_ into his dog.” Mason gawped as Derek went back to licking. Liam shrugged and sighed.

“I don’t know, dude. They’re in love.” The boys turned to walk away, but Mason chanced one more look back. He saw Derek staring straight at him with piercing blue eyes and a shiver ran through him, oddly culminating in his groin. Huh.

****

“Hey Stiles,” Mason greeted the boy who was buying two cones from a vegan ice cream truck on Main Street. “It’s me, Mason, I’m Liam’s friend!” Stiles grinned sideways at Mason as he reached for the cones and made his way back to the park bench on the sidewalk.

“I know who you are, Little dude! You’re pack, no need for fancy introductions. We’ve talked haven’t we? I’ve been so fucking busy with work since graduation and that’s been over a year. That’s crazy!” Stiles rambled absentmindedly giving time for Mason to watch his mouth glide over the words that flowed out of it.

“Who’s the other ice cream for?” Mason interrupted. Stiles looked at him with wide, brown eyes and looked down at Derek who was now standing at his flank, panting towards the ice cream hungrily. Stiles reached into his bag and grabbed out a shallow bowl, toppling over the mango sorbet cone into it. Derek began lapping at it and looked up at Stiles happily. Stiles grinned and regarded Mason before digging into his own cone.

“Derek loves this truck and it’s hot so I thought we’d get a treat.” Derek butted Stiles knee with his head, causing Stiles to roll his eyes. “Okay, okay, Derek basically dragged me here. This deliciousness was all his idea! You’re so brilliant aren’t you?” Stiles leaned down and pouted his lips into a kissy face and Derek licked his mouth with a sticky tongue. Stiles just laughed and took another swipe at his own cone.

“Sorry little dude, if you’d come just a bit earlier I would have gotten you a cone too.” Stiles insisted, pointing at the truck and silently asking if Mason wanted one. Mason shook his head.

“No, I just wanted to say hi, but thanks that’s so nice! Wow, your dog is really smart, man. How did you train him?” Stiles’ eyebrows furrowed as Derek nipped at Stiles’ calf. He reached over and began to scratch Derek behind his ear.

“Well, Derek’s not exactly, he’s not a dog, he’s-”

“Oh yeah! I mean, of course," Mason nodded knowingly, "he’s more than a dog! He’s your best friend, your confidant. I get that. When I was a kid we had a dog named Patches and I loved him so much. He was my best friend, but he was clumsy as shit. I actually had to save _him_ from a well one time. He ended up being hit by a car and I’m still not fully over it, you know?”

Stiles nodded sympathetically and reached over to put his hand on Mason’s knee. Derek whumped and dropped his head in Stiles’ lap, looking up at him with sad, pathetic eyes.

“Oh now, none of that, big guy! You have me all to yourself all the time. You have to learn to share!” Derek snorted and went back to his icy treat. Mason smiled grandly at the two.

“Derek is super smart, but he doesn’t look like he likes to share anything, he’s a little big around the belly.” Stiles’ eyes widened at Derek who’s face lifted instantly. Mason could almost swear that Derek was… glaring at him? Like he’d understood what Mason said. “Whoa, bro, that’s uncanny! Can I pet him?”

Stiles huffed out a sharp laugh, “Uhh, I wouldn’t pet him right now, maybe another time? Umm, he’s all sticky from the sorbet.” Mason nodded and waved at Derek and Stiles before walking away.

Stiles was such a good dog owner and Mason could respect that. He’d obviously honed his skills to create some unbelievably trained super dog and as Mason thought about Patches, he was determined to figure out how. Also, he wanted to get his hand in Derek’s fur. It looked like black velvet.

*****

Mason went to the loft extra early to see if he could pick Stiles’ brain about what breed of dog Derek was and where he could get one. He’d become increasingly infatuated with the dog the more he saw the pair around town. They moved like a unit and Stiles showed a particular brand of intimacy when it came to Derek. They were clearly made for each other and Mason wanted that. Probably preferably with a boyfriend, but a dog was good practice. Not that the dog was his boyfriend, or that he wanted that, just that-

Mason’s thoughts were interrupted as he pulled open the loft door and nearly tripped over a discarded shoe. As looked further into the loft he saw a discarded shirt and rogue undies on the end table, that’s what he heard it.

A small, but persistent grunting noise, it was nearly methodical and done to some sort of pattern.

“Yes! Fuck! Yes! _Fuck_!” rang out like a chorus followed by a howl that haunted Mason as he ran from the loft to his house and into his bedroom where he stripped himself and thought about what he’d just seen.

“ _Stiles really loves his dog._ ” he thought to himself as he spilled all over his fist. He took a moment to recover and as he cleaned himself up, he began to plan.

+

“Hey Stiles!” Mason called out, frightening the young man in front of him at the drug store. Stiles’ arms flailed out as he tried to catch on to anything that could catch his balance. Mason looked behind him through the window to see Derek watching them carefully.

“Hey, Mase! Sorry, man, you scared the shit out of me!” Stiles scraped his nails on the back of his head, watching Mason carefully, “Look, I noticed you didn’t come to the pack meeting, but umm, you didn’t happen to come by earlier, did you?” Mason grinned, amazed that Derek must have smelled him and somehow communicated to Stiles that he was there. That dog was a fucking genius!

“Actually yeah, that’s why I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to pick your brain over dinner if that’s fine. I have a lot of questions to ask about Derek so I think I’d prefer if we went somewhere he wasn’t allowed, if that’s okay.” Mason pocketed his hands as Stiles visibly sighed.

“Umm, yeah, i guess it’s time, that sounds cool. But look, when you were at the loft, what exactly did you-” Stiles is interrupted when Mason’s number is called at the Pharmacy.

He double pointed at Stiles before leaving, “To be continued?” he asked. Stiles nodded.

“Yeah, see you tonight? 8pm?” The two agreed and Mason went to pick up his mom’s medicine.

_

Mason looked up as Stiles made his way to the table. He looked nice in a crisp button down and navy blue slacks. His hair was gelled back and he turned heads as he walked to the restaurant. Mason was wearing a pair of dark, fitted jeans and a forest green Henley that brought out his dark brown eyes. He topped it with a black jacket that was rolled up to the elbows. He looked young and hip, while Stiles likes California cool; they made quite the pair. Mason stood up and motioned to Stiles’ chair.

“I’m really glad you could make it, Stiles. You look great!”

“Thanks, little man, you’re looking totally handsome too!” Mason leaned forward on his tip toes to wrap his arms around Stiles’ neck, pulling the taller man into a hug. While pulling back Mason pressed a kiss onto Stiles’ lips and then looked at him briefly with large, wet eyes before sitting back down. Stiles was still standing, mouth agape, when the waiter came by to fill their water glasses. Finally, Stiles took his seat.

“The steak here is great, you should try it with the mole sauce, it’ll knock your socks off.” Mason started as he pointed out the item on the menu. Stiles cleared his throat and looked at Mason thoughtfully.

“Uh, Mason. I’m wondering…” He stopped briefly giving Mason a sideways glance. Mason stared at him with a wide expectant expression. Stiles continued. “Mason, is this a date?”

Mason’s eyebrows raised to the ceiling as he laughed brightly. Stiles soon joined him and together they laughed and laughed, holding their bellies as they caught their breath. Mason wiped his eyes and held up his water glass.

“Yeah, definitely a date.”

Stiles nearly choked on the sip he was taking and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I feel like this used to be me,” he mumbled to himself, “Shit, maybe it still is.”

“Hmm?” Mason hummed as he ran his shoe up Stiles’ pants leg. Stiles put up both hands, urging Mason to slow down.

“Mason, I’m not really avail- well, I’m seeing, _shit_ , look, it’s about Derek.” Stiles started, but Mason shook his head.

“Dude, I know, that’s really what I wanted to talk about. I know how close you guys are and I really want that, you know? At first I thought maybe I’d want my own dog, but after what I saw in the loft the other day, I was thinking maybe you two have got a thing I can’t replicate. But I still feel like I could be into that, you know? A part of it?”

Stiles is reeled by the conversation, and barely notices when the waiter comes by to take their orders. He’s still shocked to dumbness so Mason ordered for him with a wink. Stiles ordered a beer and was surprised when the waiter obliged without asking for his decidedly take ID. When the waiter brought back two bottles, Stiles surmised Mason was a regular at this place. Where the hell were they anyway?

“What exactly did you see at the loft, Mason?” Stiles wracked his brain thinking it couldn’t have been what he thought it was. Derek would have definitely smelled him and stopped. Though after Derek’s little possessive display with the sorbet, Stiles began to think that Derek did smell the boy. He rolled his eyes inwardly. Derek could be such an asshole.

“I saw Derek licking you.” Mason answered. Stiles exhaled. “Licking your dick.” Stiles inhaled sharply.

“Was… was that it?” Mason shrugged as he held out a toast point with caviar out to Stiles. Stiles leaned forward and bit the appetizer, chewing it thoughtfully as he waited for Mason to answer.

“I also saw him fucking you into the back of the couch.” Stiles’ eyes closed slowly and his head sunk down to the table. How the fuck was he supposed to explain this?

“Mason look," He started, once he finally peeled his head from the table, "I like you a lot. And I’m actually really impressed by your complete lack of judgement about my situation, but there’re some things you gotta understand. First off, that’s Derek, Derek Hale.” Mason nodded.

“Yeah, and you’re Stiles Hale.”

“Yeah, well, I am now, but I was Stiles Stilinski, before.” Mason’s eyebrow furrowed.

“But Liam said in your notebooks it always said _Stiles Hale_ -”

“That wasn't- uhh, that’s not important right now! Look-”

“And who names their kid, _Stiles Stilinski_?”

“It’s a nickname! My first name is a nickname. My real first name is super Polish. Shit, I was like this, wasn’t I? Just a few years ago, I was the one who was so oblivious! Mason, buddy, I need you to focus.”

“I know you’re really into your dog and I get that.” Stiles waved his hands to get Mason’s attention.

“No, it’s not my dog, he’s my husband. I’m married to Derek Hale.”

“The dog is your life partner, I get it. Listen, have you ever put peanut butter on your ballsack and asked him to lick it off?”

“Jesus Christ.” Stiles sat back in his chair and placed his hand on his forehead. “Mason, he’s not a dog, I’m not being metaphorical, I’m being _actual_ , he’s a wolf.”

“In the sack? I’m sure he is, but like, if _I_  were to put peanut butter on your balls would he-”

“Mason! He’s a werewolf, there! He’s a fucking werewolf!” Stiles flailed wildly willing the young boy across from him to understand. Mason nodded slowly, but Stiles was a fast learner and didn’t trust this acquiescence.

Mason opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again, “...so, I’m still trying to figure out this whole supernatural thing, but if Derek’s a wolf-”

“Uhh huh…”

“But he’s a werewolf…?”

“Fuck, yes! You’re so close, keep going!” Stiles encouraged. Mason swallowed.

“I’m more of a hands on person, I’m sure he’s outside, maybe if we went out, I could figure it out?” Stiles nodded and signaled the waiter to come over, letting them know they were going to step outside for a moment. As they rode the elevator down, Stiles rambled.

“He’s pregnant. And being pregnant is easier in shift mode and when he has the cub it’ll deliver easier than having to get a C-section. So he’s in wolf mode for about 2 more months, and that’s why he has the round belly. My cubs are in there!” Mason nodded slowly and Stiles forgave the lack of celebration. They walked outside and Derek trotted up to Stiles, cocking his head.

“He’s so smart! I’ve never seen a werewolf as a wolf before. What would his beta shift even look like?” Mason asked, tentatively reaching out to pet Derek. Derek looked at Stiles who nodded. Derek rumbled as Mason carded his hands through his fur. Mason couldn’t help his breathing from speeding up and Stiles cocked an eyebrow.

“Uhh Mason, you seem to be… a _real_ dog lover?”

Mason shrugged, “I’ve always loved dogs, but it’s always stopped at just that, a fascination.” Mason squealed as Derek rolled on his back, allowing Mason to scratch at his belly. Mason looked a little further down and his hand began to inch naturally. “It’s just Derek here is so fascinating _and_ gorgeous. Those bright blue eyes and this ebony black fur. He’s a sight, really.”

“He looks even better as a human.” Stiles kneeled beside Mason and rubbed both hands up and down Derek’s ribcage, fingers rubbing over his nipples. Derek panted happily and Mason chuckled.

“Yeah, I still don’t fully understand any of that, but the next time he fucks you, do you mind if I come and watch?” Derek’s head shot towards Mason and then looked questioningly at Stiles.

“Whoa, you just cut right to the chase, don’t ya?” Mason continued to grin at Stiles as Derek poked him with his nose.

Stiles leaned over and whispered something into Derek’s ear and after a moment, Derek walked up to Mason and turned his head sideways in a contemplative gesture. He then stuck his nose in Mason’s crotch, and huffed a burst of hot air.

“Did we ever settle on the peanut butter thing? Because I usually carry a jar around in my bag, so…” Stiles looked at Mason and took out his phone.

“Hi, yes, my date and I were just in there, we were the table near the window. I’m going to give you my credit card number to pay for the meals and if you could wrap them up and we’ll be back in a few hours to get them. That’s great, thank you so much!” Stiles hung up the phone and pointed down the street. Mason opened his mouth, but Stiles silenced him.

“No more talking from you, get in the damned Jeep, get out the peanut butter and in the future, if you ever encounter our kids, this never fucking happened.”

Mason nodded eagerly and jogged quickly towards the Jeep with Derek on his tail, well, literally his nose was in his crack, but that was hardly as poetic. Stiles followed aimlessly, hoping Mason never grew out of this phase.

 

***

6 Months Later

***

Tears sprang to Mason's eyes as he took in the news.

"Derek went back to South America?!"

He was standing in the doorway to the loft with a chew toy in one hand and a box of diapers in the other. Stiles clasped a warm, comforting grip on his shoulder before leading him in.

"Yep, kid. I'm sure we'll see him again in another few mon-"

"Years, Stiles! We have 3 cubs, I'm not letting you near me with that thing in under 12 mon- _oh_ , hi Mason!" Derek walked out and took the diapers out of the despondent boy's hand. Mason gave a small wave.

"Hi, I'm Mason, I'm Stiles' and Liam's best... _sigh-_ " Mason went and sat on the couch; Stiles was about to go comfort him when Derek grabbed his hand and they exchanged a mostly silent conversation.

" _He still doesn't get that werewolves have a full shift?_ " says Derek's prominent brows.

" _Yeah, I can't figure out how to connect the dots on that one._ ” Stiles said in a shrug. He cocked an eyebrow, “ _You're still pretty sore, right? You couldn't shift right now?_ ”

“Nah,” Derek whispered as he looked over to the couch where Mason was sitting with hunched shoulders. “I just don't understand why he doesn't get it, but-wait, did you tell him I went to South America?”

“Well, dog Derek.” Stiles answered. He threw his hands up at the look Derek gave him, “He wasnt getting the wolf thing and I had to explain your absence somehow. Look at him, he's despondent.”

Derek pouted, “And he doesn't recognize me at all? I look like my wolf.”

“I think it's the eyes.” Stiles offered.

“I've had my tongue in his ass, you'd think…”

“Maybe we need a run with you as a human?”

Derek shrugged and nodded, “You sort it out I'm going to go look in on the babies.”

Stiles made his way over to the couch. This was going to be an awkward conversation.

___

"So I still don't understand how a boy wolf got pregnant, but did the eponymous dog Derek have his cubs? Is that why he went back to South America, to raise the cubs around his pack?

Derek groaned into Stiles’ hip across the bed and Stiles couldn't help but smile big. He reached forward and tweaked Mason's nipple.

“Yeah, buddy. That's exactly why. I'm sure he's loving it.”

Mason smiled, he would miss Derek, but the thought of the beautiful creature surrounded by family and love? He liked that.

"One of the babies is up." Derek muffled.

"I'll go!" Stiles gave Mason and then Derek a kiss before he scooted off the bed. As he left, Mason turned to Derek.

Derek's eyes exuded warmth, compassion and such familiarity it made Mason's heart clench. He reached forward gently and placed a hand on Derek's cheek, scratching his nails through the rich ebony of Derek's beard.

Derek grabbed Mason's thigh, closing the gap and considered him with pleading, hopeful eyes. Mason narrowed his vision as though searching.

"So," he started. Derek inhaled and waited. "Who are you again? And why do you have a dog named after you? Oh, was Derek the dog here to keep Stiles company while you were gone? Are those your babies? They look uncannily like Stiles too. You seem familiar but I feel like I would have remembered you.

"Your nose is cold, sigh, it reminds me of - _whoa_!

_"That_ definitely reminds me of- ooh, _fuck_ yeah!"

Stiles stood in the door grinning.

"You still have questions about dog Derek?"

Mason flushed as much as he could with one hand in Derek's hair between his legs. He looked at Stiles and shook his head.

"I'm sure he's fine- _fuck_!

"He's probably very happy!"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for coming along on whatever this was! I'm still working on In the Know so stay tuned for more of that.
> 
> You know the drill kids, comments and kudos are love, come hang out with me on my [Tumblr](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)!


End file.
